Twitter | 
Facebook | 
RSS
You Are So Beautiful
Son, you will thankfully never know the circumstances surrounding the months you spent growing in my belly. But you will always know that you are loved; that life is what you make of it; and that God is good.
I didn’t tell Daddy till I knew that your heart was beating and you were growing. Your cousin went with me to the OB/GYN to see, and at six weeks you were quite the peanut! I saw the heartbeat and smiled. Then, the OB called us into his office and explained that the sonogram either indicated an abnormally small sac or just a shadow; only time would tell, but I should not be surprised if I started to miscarry. I have never miscarried that I know of and was terrified.
Finally I gave a card to Daddy so he would know another baby might be coming. It did take him a few hours by himself but then he came up and gave me a hug. He even went to the next sonogram, which showed that the sac had grown normally!
I have never been so relieved.
Then, when I was just a little over two months along with you, my husband went to jail for beating me up. A day later I was in a car accident. I am lucky it did not affect you in the least. Although I did not want to be in the vulnerable position that pregnancy brings, I ALWAYS wanted you. Your daddy does too, he was just really stressed out. Neither of us planned to have five children but it really shouldn’t have been such a surprise!
Now Daddy dotes on you, he calls you “Mr. Handsome” and asks your siblings to help out so I can spend extra time nursing you. You eat so well!
Your sisters were so excited that my belly was big with baby. They kissed my belly and are still loving on you like mother hens!
Your birth was truly wonderful, it was such a transformation. Each (natural) contraction was so empowering and I couldn’t wait to meet our nine month miracle. The pushing part was insanely painful, my only Pitocin-laden birth without drugs, but worth it. I knew exactly what my body was doing and where you were. Your heartbeat stayed so strong. I will never know why God has blessed me, of all people, with such healthy babies & pregnancies; but I am grateful, for it gave me enough energy to focus on pulling our family back together.
Everyone now is much healthier than in a long time and you, darling, are a smiley happy baby. Sisters even protect you from your toddler brother, who cannot decide if he likes you messing with his toys.
God is mighty, indeed.
Love,
Your mama
