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Abortion – Will God Forgive Me
I got pregnant while I was in college. My boyfriend made the choice for me to get an abortion. Since abortion was illegal in 1967, we made an appointment with a doctor in Mexico. I knew I was risking my life, but death sounded better than my mother discovering I had done, what I thought was the gravest sin a daughter could commit having a baby out of wedlock.
I was enormously relieved when it was over. I gave no thought to the life I had just destroyed. I continued my sinful ways. I was living my life my way, I was cool, I was in control.
Fast forward to age 32. I was married and we wanted children. I was so excited to find I was pregnant a year later. That baby died in utero. It would be 5 years before I conceived again, and that baby did not make it either. I FINALLY mourned the death I had caused by ending my first pregnancy. I had many thoughts in my head. Had I forgone my only chance to have children? Was God punishing me? Was my sin unforgivable?
Finally, after years of doubt and sadness, toward the end of my child bearing years, I gave birth to my first baby. I was more in love than I ever imagined. This was the miracle I had longed for.
My baby boy was a gift from God. Being a mom is an awesome responsibility. For me, my baby saved me from a life of sin and irresponsibility. I learned how to be the best Mom I possibly could. I had so much doubt that my sin of my abortion would never be forgiven. God would never grant me children. But, eighteen months later I conceived a second time. And this time, I was having twins.
This was stunning news! I honestly feel deep in my heart and soul that God had graciously allowed that first little soul, to come back and be my son.
I now have three beautiful adult sons. God is good and forgiving. I am blessed, and I know that only by the grace of God I am forgiven.
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Abortion – Abortion Gone Wrong…
Dear World,
“The day I found out my boyfriend of two years was cheating on me, I also found out I was pregnant. I waited at his house tell him my news, where he showed up with the other woman. I was a wreck emotionally finding out my boyfriend was cheating, but the hardest part was when he told me to go home and that we would talk later. When later came, he told me this child would ruin his life and mine, and told me he would pay for my abortion.
I am making this story as short as possible, because I am not sure how much detail I can use. To make a long story short, I went to the abortion clinic alone, dropped off by a long time friend of my mother’s. The women were lined up in a military fashion, and ushered through a course of rooms leading up to the procedure. I was given an injection and asked to count backwards, where sleep stole away my consciousness. When I woke up, there was blood, lots of blood between my legs, and I had never felt that kind of pain in my life. It was excruciating.
I left the clinic, and was picked up by my mother, who was a complete wreck. She is a Christian, and had begged me for weeks not to go through with it. She insisted that her church had prayed for me, and that if I would just keep the baby, she would help me…God would help me. But I was afraid. Ashamed at having been abandoned by the baby’s father. Nothing could even equal the unbearable pain of guilt that overshadowed me every day after the abortion. The thoughts that ran through my head. The sound of my child’s voice. Shame I felt in the presence of God who I know still loved me even though I committed this heinous act. This unnecessary act.
A month after my abortion, I began receiving letters in the mail from the abortion clinic. You see, I had changed my phone number to prevent my ex-boyfriend from calling me. I hated him and his lack of compassion for me. For our lost baby. His words burned cold on my heart, ‘If you have ‘it’ my life will be ruined, and so will yours.’ I wouldn’t respond to the letters until one threatening letter came, telling me that it was absolutely urgent that I come and have an exam done, to insure no traces of the abortion had been missed, which could cause severe infection.
Finally, I made the appointment. When I was given a pelvic exam, the nurse said, ‘Huh?’ I asked her what was wrong? She said, ‘I need to do an ultrasound.’ I asked if I could see too? I was only curious, expecting nothing. Her response will never escape my mind to this day. She said, ‘Well there’s nothing to see here except a blob of missed tissue.’ A blob of missed tissue? That didn’t make since to me. I asked her to let me see. She said again there was nothing to see but a mass of missed tissue, and it was against policy to allow me to view it. (This was at Planned Parenthood in 1995 or so.)
I was told to speak to the doctor on Friday when I came back, because from what she could tell, I needed the procedure repeated! My worst nightmare come true. I would have to endure the worst thing that has ever happened to me—for the second time! I showed up on the following Friday, a painful three day wait. My nerves were a mess!
The doctor was only frank with me after I asked for her to give it to me straight. I asked her, ‘Tell me the truth Doctor; this blob of tissue is the baby, isn’t it? I’m still pregnant, huh?’ She confirmed that I was. ‘But I doubt the fetus is even viable, and is probably deformed and missing limbs, or brain-damaged, and we MUST REPEST THE PROCEDURE IMMEDIATELY!’ She was really trying to sell me on the repeat procedure. I wasn’t having it. I said, ‘How did you know to contact me? How did you know it went wrong?’ She explained that the pathologist never found any signs of fetal tissue. It was probably placental tissue …I said, ‘What do you mean placental tissue? The uterus is the size of a fist at this state in pregnancy. How do you ‘miss’ a suction abortion? There’s no way you miss!!!!’
They didn’t miss. God put His very hand in front of that machine and shielded my baby. He protected it. God showed me more mercy. Mercy I never deserved. He showed mercy to someone like me. Insignificant, a nobody!
I found a Christian doctor who told me if I wanted to keep the baby, he was very much a viable pregnancy, and unharmed, and healthy! I would not mock God’s grace, and kept him. Ryan is now 5 years old, beautiful, extremely intelligent, sweet and has a heart for the Lord.
God hears every prayer. Don’t be fooled. When my mom told me her whole church had prayed for me, she wasn’t lying! God heard every prayer, and gave me what almost every woman who has had abortion wishes she had: A second chance.”
God Bless,
Kari
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Abortion – There Has Always Been Something Missing. My Baby
Growing up, I went to Catholic School. After graduation, I went to a Catholic University in another city. I was raised in a traditional Hispanic household, complete with the traditional gender roles.
I was the first in my family to attend college and received mixed reactions because although they were happy that I was going to college, girls weren’t really supposed to move out of the house until they were married.
After 3 semesters, I moved back home because I lost my scholarship. Living with my parents again wasn’t too bad. I worked and attended the local university. At work, I met someone. We had a blast together.
All the fun ended when I found out I was pregnant. I went to his apartment to tell him. He told me that a cousin of his was moving into town and would be staying with him for a while. I found out that day that the “cousin” was his girlfriend from another state and she moved here to be with him.
He broke up with me that day. He left me voicemails and text messages telling me that I better not have the baby. His girlfriend kept calling me asking me what my plans were. I didn’t know what to do.
I waited a few days to tell my parents. When I did, they were extremely upset and told me that I better not tell anyone because they were ashamed and didn’t know what people would think of our family. The next day, my dad gave me a wad of cash and told me to “Go take care of it. We were going to get through this together and never talk about it again”
I went to planned parenthood and got an ultrasound and found out what the procedure involved. I cried for days because I felt so lost and didn’t know what to do. I was still getting phone calls from my ex and his girlfriend and my parents refused to hear any more about it. The only thing they wanted to know was the day/time of my appointment.
The morning of my procedure, I remember being freezing cold and I was shaking. My mom took me and never said a word the entire morning. When I woke up from the procedure, I remember just crying because I never thought I’d have to do anything like that in my life and I was so ashamed that I actually went through with it.
I am now 30 years old. I have a Bachelor’s and a Master’s Degree and have a successful career in Healthcare. I am not married nor do I have any children.
The reason I felt compelled to write this letter is because, although my life seems great to outsiders, there has always been something missing. My baby.
Dear Baby,
Not a day goes by that I don’t think about you and the decisions that were made.
I was young and naive. I wasn’t strong enough emotionally to know that I could take care of you on my own – without the support of my parents or your daddy.
Now that I’m older and look back, I can’t believe that I just let you be swept under the rug. I am so very sorry.
I often wonder how different my life would be if you were here. I’ll never really know, I guess.
My mom and dad have started asking me when I am going to settle down and make them grandparents. I didn’t say anything at first when they brought it up. Finally, one day, I told them they already had a grandchild…in Heaven.
They just got very quiet and didn’t say anything else that day. They have since quit asking about grandchildren.
Yes, I’ve accomplished a lot on my own over the years but none of that really matters. I feel like I cheated on life.
Now, I hope for forgiveness and understanding. When people ask “If there’s one thing in your past that you could change, what would it be?” Immediately, I think about you.
Please forgive me. You have never been forgotten.
I Love You,
mommy
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Abortion – To My Baby- A Prayer From Mommy…
“To my baby- A Prayer from mommy…
Please feed my baby when he is hungry, Lord… Mommy can’t do it right now.
And when he is sleepy, Lord, please hold him and sing him a song… mommy can’t do it right now.
When it is bath time, please wash his face, Lord, and kiss him when it’s clean.
Make sure to put lotion on him and comb his soft hair because mommy can’t do it right now.
When you hold him in Your arms, Lord, kiss him on his little nose, for mommy can’t do it right now. When he smiles, smile back. When he laughs, laugh with him. When he hurts, please help him because mommy can’t do it right now.
I am so sorry for what mommy has done. I was supposed to keep you safe and protect you from harm and hurt. I took you from the safest place you could be. I took your life, but not your soul.
You were torn apart inside me and flushed down the drain. Your arms and legs torn and mangled… your little arms and legs that mommy should have kissed and put lotion on. Your feet that mommy should have put little socks on. Your small hands that mommy would wipe off after lunch, and would pull my hair. Your little heart that should beat strong, day and night while you explored your new world, until you would grow old and God would take you up to His house.
I would give anything. I wish I could stop breathing for eternity, to give you your first breath. Mommy wanted to die with you so I could go to heaven and hold you. But mommy can’t do it right now.
You have a little brother. His name is Kristopher, and mommy has to stay here and help him grow here on earth. I love him just as much as I love you.
But I love you right now
I miss you right now
I want to hold you right now
I’m empty right now
I’m sad
and I’m crying right now
Please forgive me, I hate myself.
I am sorry I didn’t realize how much I love you until it was too late.
love FOREVER, Mommy
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Abortion – My Abortion Story
As I walked into the abortion clinic in the Washington D.C. hospital on April 6th, 1988, I was immediately given a Valium to calm me and probably to keep me from backing out. My $750 was taken from me right away and I could not get it back no matter what. In the waiting room there were at least 20 other women. One was 8 months pregnant and said she waited this long to save up enough money.
I thought to myself that that was too late to have an abortion. I was convinced that at 16 weeks, it was only tissue right now. A sonogram was given, but I was not allowed to look at it. I then had to have a psychological evaluation to make sure I was in good mind to go through with it. It took 5 minutes and even though I was crying and shaking, they said I was okay. When they saw that I might back out, they were like salespeople trying to make a sale. Then, it was time.
I was given no anesthetic and was strapped down to the bed. I then went through the most traumatic and painful experience I have ever had. I screamed uncontrollably and the nurses were screaming at me to “shut-up”. If I moved, my cervix and uterus would be destroyed. I could feel pools of warm blood oozing down my thighs and the suction was so powerful that it felt like my entire insides were being pulled out. When I begged them to stop and asked if it was over, they replied, “we have to make sure all the parts are here”. Parts?
I thought this was “tissue”? I pushed a nurse out of the way and there I saw, my precious baby boy in pieces. There were body parts just tossed in a beaker. They quickly hid the evidence from me and sent me to recovery. The room had a few other girls and we were all in the fetal position, weeping. I was sent home with no plans to recheck me later and as I walked to the bus, I bled so badly that it soaked through my pants and down my legs. I arrived home and my parents kept asking how I was. I convinced them that everything was great , it was easy.
Quickly, I crawled into my bed and wept feeling sad and empty and saying over and over, “I am so sorry”. After that day, the abortion was never mentioned.
In Memory of my son Christopher December 1, 1987- April 6, 1988
“Used with permission, Copyright 2010, No Fear Media, Inc., A South Carolina non-profit corporation.”
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Abortion – Everything In My Life Is So Broken
Dear Anyone Considering An Abortion,
I got pregnant when i was fifteen. I had only one one-night stand in my entire life, and the first unprotected sex I’ve ever had. I guess I’m just very fertile. Well anyways, I had to tell the boy. And everyday he begged me to get an abortion. He repeatedly told me how much the baby would destroy our lives. I was completely against abortion. It makes me sick. But, when he kept begging. Every single day, over and over again he would push me to have an abortion. I was scared. I felt like I had no support. I needed him to be there for me. But, he wasn’t. He was worried about him and not us. Finally, I gave in. I went to the abortion clinic and I got the abortion… It was the most sad, painful, horrifying experience of my entire life. I would do anything to take that decision back. I would do anything to have that day back. I hate myself everyday for the decision I made. After this, he and I had a two year relationship. But, he ultimately just broke my heart. Everything in my life is so broken. Moral to my story is, think for a long time before you make this decision. The hole is always there in your heart. Do not let anyone push you into an abortion. It is your decision. I hope you do not make my mistake because you can’t take back a wrong decision when it come to abortion.
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I Had An Abortion – The Most Selfish Thing In The World
I had unprotected sex at 15, and found myself in a bad situation and I didn’t think anyone would love my baby, so I did the most selfish thing in the world…
To My Angel in Heaven,
It’s almost been 9 months, and it should be time for you to be in my arms. I should be holding you in my arms in March, but the selfish decision that I made took your life, and I deprived myself of an amazing blessing from God. What I didn’t think about, was you. I just thought about me. I didn’t think about how you were a blessing to my life, not a curse. I looked at having you as a burden and a consequence, but really you were just a blessing from a mistake. I love you, even though I never had you. I now sit back and imagine my life with you. How it would have been. How I should have loved you. How I would have loved you. How I should have thought of you.
When I found out I was pregnant, I did not know what to do. I told your father and his first suggestion was the suggestion I chose. I could not let anyone know I was pregnant. I go to Church. I go to a Christian school. People would talk about me. People would hate me. But now I hate what I did. I made the selfish chose. It was all about me. I chose to live without consequences. I was too young to be a mother. But I was a mother.
It did not take very long to know what I should have done. But it was too late. I did not have to raise you but at least I should have given you a chance to live. I wish I had let someone adopt you, take care of you. Instead, I just killed you and I regret it every single day. Every baby I see makes me wonder what you would have been like, looked like, what you would grow up to be. You were never a mistake. I made the mistake. I ended your life, your chances. I know I will be punished for what I did. You will all be my sweet angel. You will always be a part of me. I will never forget you. Please forgive me for what I did to you. If I could take it back I would…
